I started to see what it really meant to be in an interracial relationship.Sometimes white girls hid me from their family, especially their father. I had one girlfriend in high school who strictly forbade doorbell ringing. She was not going to go through the trouble of calling attention to the fact that she was going out with a black guy.The concept of a black man in a relationship with a white woman is a "thing" that people have an opinion on, and that opinion comes with an entire set of stereotypes, fueled by racist ideology, a complicated past, and sometimes even pop culture.Kanye West once rapped about how successful black men will "leave your ass for a white girl," and then put himself into that box by marrying a white woman, furthering the pervasiveness of flawed, generic ideas about interracial relationships.If I explain some racially complex subtlety of life to my white girlfriend, that's one more white person who knows why using "ghetto" as a pejorative is cringeworthy and offensive.That's one more white person who knows why I'm going to arrogantly list off my academic and professional achievements if some white person asks me if I play basketball. But don't assume that that's how the fuck I got by in life because I'm black and tall.Any time a black man walks around with a white woman he's giving off the impression that white women are his specific preference and that he has a problem with women of his own race, and because that applies to some black men who date white women, it becomes a label that all of us are subjected to. I totally get where black women are coming from, too.It's nothing to walk past a random black woman on the street and get a death glare and maybe even overhear something like, "They're taking all of our men." I was out with my white girlfriend at The Graham in East Williamsburg sometime last year and a black woman came up to me and asked me why was I dating a white girl when she can't even get a man. Truth be told, it's important to me that they also get where I'm coming from and know that I'm not one of these sellouts who views them as undesirable.
" The most visible criminal trial of the 20th century centered around a blonde white woman who was presumably murdered at the hands of her black husband, O. Part of the reason why black people celebrated the O. verdict is because it was a rare example of a black man finally beating the system that was so unjust to his people for so long. Throughout this nation's history, unfathomable numbers of innocent black men have been hung from trees and burned because of often fabricated stories of their fraternizing with white women, and there were usually no consequences for the white men lynching them.I can't say that my own mother has never asked, "When are you going to bring home a girl who looks like me?" Running around with white girls comes across as a rejection of your blackness to the women in your family, even though that wasn't the case. The girls who showed me the most attention at school were white.White women range from those so intrigued by black men that it veers into fetish to those so reluctant to date black men that it feels more racist than preference-driven.
These are generalizations, of course, but they are attitudes that I've personally encountered.
Skepticism towards black men/white women relationships is a longstanding and well-documented part of our cultural fabric in America. I'm not a "black man" who "dates white women." I'm a person.